We’re constantly shifting. Shifting from one energy field to the next, shifting internally between different emotions, thoughts and states, shifting externally between time and space. Shifting between experiences, frequencies, different parts of self, conscious and unconscious. Everything is constantly changing. And yet change appears to be one of the things people fear the most. Because in our minds it often feels like dying. But is it really? Or is it - could it actually be - the most lively thing that’s ever happening?
I often find us to be so caught up in holding onto what we can never get ahold of. Even if it is destined to go away or even more so because it was never meant to stay. This constant battle of us interfering with our higher call even if or even more so because this call is us, too. The path, the walk, the talk and all of the confusion, the potential, the unfolding of the true self once we invite it in. These are all expressions of you. It is you that’s calling yourself home, always. It might appear to be me or anyone else but ultimately it is you. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here in this moment, if it wasn’t for you you simply wouldn’t be here now. How far you let these words in is up to you. Your timing, regarding everything by the way, is up to you. It is you. It’s an expression, a manifestation of you. It is sacred.
No-one can tell you who you are or what’s right for you in any given moment. Only you can ever know. People might offer their perception, your mind might offer several perceptions, society might, your conditioning most definitely will - but you and only you can ever know. So take all of these perceptions and view them as gifts for you to evaluate what it is you wish to embody, be or change. What feels right?
We often confuse feeling with thinking. It’s not about thoughts. Thoughts come and go and they will keep appearing, partly because you might not listen to your feelings, partly because it is their nature. Thoughts arise just like a symptom arises to communicate something, to move „something“ (which is always energy), pointing at something that requires attention. Thoughts might offer possibilities, might show you different paths or parts of self. But you are choosing your direction - always. You might think „but there’s so many options, how do I know what’s right for me?“ By trusting and surrendering to self. Not to me. Not to the words I write or any concept that anyone might offer you. But to you. To what’s happening inside your body while you are confronted with anything. What’s alive in you?
What does a path, a thought or a concept feel like? Trust that and only that. And I’m not coming from an ego-centric kind of place. Self is the center. Your true center. Not your identity, not your mind, not even the person that you think you are. I’m not speaking of that. I’m speaking of the infinite unconditionally loving graceful self that you are. Your essence. That’s what you should trust. And I’m not using the word „should“ very often - I’m using it on purpose here because it directly affects everything around you and beyond. It is our nature to be loving and forgiving because that is what we are. Unconditional love. + all the wounded parts, + all the healed ones, + the story, the mind, the body, the karma, etc. Imbedded in all of it are you. You are in every act you perform, in every look, in every word you do and do not speak. You are prior and within all of the experiences. You are infinite and you are what you can and will always come back to. That’s the game.
So does it matter that you heal you so you can rest in loving kindness and spread goodness in the world? Does it matter that you look at and feel through your trauma so it can transform into something being of service to the divine and everything alive on this planet and probably beyond? Are you still asking if it matters? You tell me.
I hear people saying „Why should I look at this, it was painful and I’m a happy person anyways.“ That’s not what I see though. I see deflection, avoidance, dis-connection from true authentic self and all kinds of beliefs about what they think „self“ is and/or should be and infinite excuses and stories the mind comes up with to cope with suffering in general. I see fear (of pain) - all else is a by-product of it. And fear causes people to do all kinds of terrible things. I see trauma being passed on and on and on and on and it’s not lessening its grip on us. The only thing more powerful than fear is love but to release that love, you must choose love and stand in love amidst the cloudy fear. Center yourself in love while you are going through pain. How do you do that?
You focus your attention on it. You place your attention on love, you breathe into your body’s center and relax into the pain. Where does it feel right for you? Where are you in your body in this moment? What is alive? No need to think about it. Just observe. Observe from your body’s center, not the mind. Be aware of where the energy is shifting. Your mind might catch your attention again. That’s okay. Gently come back to self. Don’t shame yourself, you didn’t do anything wrong. In fact you didn’t do anything. You stayed right there. Peacefully resting. Your mind just got your attention for a moment. Now bring it back. You see, that’s a choice.
Most of our minds are untrained and deeply conditioned. Imagine your mind by the time you were born as a very well working binary computer with a hard drive of infinite capacity. And now everyone you meet is constantly pouring stuff into it. Their own conditioning mostly. Not because they are mean or want to do you harm but because they don’t know better. You learn how to think and how to behave, you learn all the different words and concepts. Good things „happen“ to you, bad things happen to you, too. Your mind learns through experience and according to what you are taught it stores all of this information somewhere. And because it is binary by design it divides everything into good and bad, save and un-save. Our minds are only unique because they are fueled by our essence which is unique. Apart from that they are working in quite similar ways.
There is different mechanisms we each use to avoid suffering based on what we have learned in early years works and doesn’t work. We try to minimize pain by avoiding all kinds of scenarios physically, emotionally and mentally (repression, distortion, intellectualization, denial) or we try to numb the pain (dissociation, reaction formation, addiction) or we blame the outside environment (projection, displacement) or we are hurting ourselves to feel a different pain that distracts us from our original suffering (self-harm /-sabotage). And because we are infinite there is infinite expressions of it. But the patterns are the same. Which is helpful if we want to look at them collectively and at least get a chance to heal collectively, too. The patterns don’t need to be healed. Just like a symptom they dissolve naturally when their job is done. Which is to help us heal. So we can rest in oneness, is-ness, all that is and ever was.
Everything is serving us as a divine mirror to reveal which parts of ourselves still need healing. So we can re-connect to our true essential self and meet each other from that place. Everything is uniquely designed for it. For you, love, all that is. Do you get it? It was you all along. Moving you back to your essence. It is you longing to come home to you. Longing to re-connect with you.
So consider that it was you who created all of these experiences because only you can know what you need to come back to yourself. To remember yourself. It’s you.
And that part of you that created painful experiences only did so because it loves you so much and trusts you so much that it knows you will stand through it. That this is what you need to wake up, to remember yourself. To re-connect with your true authentic self and the purpose aligned to it. To shed the old and embrace the new that’s urging to come alive in you and meet the world. The experiences are made and shaped the exact way we need them to be so we can let go of that which doesn’t serve our growth and align to that which does. No need to fear. What wants to come alive in you is you, too. Not the old outdated version of you that feels like a burden. It only feels like that because it’s not you anymore. It is you telling you that you need to change. That’s why it’s painful. Because when it was more subtle we didn’t listen. And that’s okay. You listen when you’re ready to. It’s your life which means it’s your choice. And it’s your timing which only you can know.
How we treat ourselves directly influences how we treat everyone else. So if you’re still wondering if it all matters - it does. We’re all connected. Everything is. So connect with yourself more often, tune into yourself. Feel into you. What’s there? Don’t think too much. Just feel. And remember you are love. You are not your thoughts or feelings, your body or your trauma or anything attached to it. All of this is temporary. You are in them but you were also prior to them and you will exist long after they will all be gone. So spend some time with yourself. Allow your wounded parts to show their true face and know that you can and will hold yourself through all of them. You are invincible. Your essence remains unharmed. You are infinite. You are love and because you are love you have nothing to fear. Fear is the very absence of that which you are.
Forgive yourself when you acted out of fear because you forgot your true nature. Forgive others when they do. I believe that some things are inexcusable but they are forgivable. Only through forgiveness do we transcend and evolve out of suffering. It’s an alchemical process. It’s the heart of compassion. It’s unconditional just like we are. And remember in the center there is you. So you start right here. Be kind to yourself. It matters.